It happened. Tonsillgeddon 2022 came, and I MADE IT OUT ALIVE. It still hurts to yawn, but otherwise I’m in no pain and living life as normal.
Thank you for all of your well wishes, check-ins, and prayers. They truly kept me feeling like a person during my long days in bed. In return I promise to never write about throat scabs again. You’re welcome.
Welcome to The Paradox Paper, a monthly newsletter that honors paradox in the every day. If a friend forwarded you this email, click here to subscribe:
In this edition:
My favorite shade of red nail polish
The best movie I watched during Tonsillgeddon 2022
A DIY youtube channel that’s actually helpful
The angst of healing
A book for when kids ask tricky questions about bodies (or you just want to know what the white part of your eye is called)
A prayer for starting something new
Olive and June
Earlier this week I was sitting in the Kroger parking lot waiting for my grocery order to come out. When the young man arrived pulling my groceries behind him I opened the side door of the van so he could put the bags in. We made some small talk, and then he asked if I wanted my eggs up front. Why yes I did, so I reached back to take them out of his hands. As I did he said, “I love your nails! That’s the perfect shade of red. I’ve been trying to find a color like that.” Now I ask you, after such a sweet compliment, why did I just say thank you and drive out of the parking lot? Why did I not walk through the door that he clearly left wide open and say, “Oh my word, this polish is the best! It’s Olive and June in the shade Lipstick Stain.” Can’t go back and make up for my absentmindedness now, so I’m telling you. Olive and June is the best polish. Lipstick Stain is my current favorite of their reds. The Kroger Grocery Guy agrees.
Palm Springs
Of all the movies I watched during Tonsillgeddon 2022, this was my favorite. Nyles is attending a weekend wedding in the desert, where Sarah is the maid of honor. They share a dance, one thing leads to another, and they find themselves stuck in an infinite time loop unable to escape themselves or each other. Funny and full of heart, Palm Springs is giving me hope for the modern RomCom genre.
Crys D’awna
We’re in the process of buying a house and I kind of don’t want to talk about it. When I get frustrated with the waiting and the back and forth of negotiation I cope by planning what I’ll do when (if?) we finally live there. I love our kitchen table. It was a gift from a friend and it’s so unique. It’s a solid oak octagon shape with a parkay-style top. Alas, the stain and finish have never been my taste. So far we haven’t had the space to do any refinishing, but God willing we will soon, and I’m so relieved to have found Crys D’awna’s YouTube channel. Her videos are long, close-up, and thoroughly detailed. None of this, “You can just use any brush you have and slap on some of your leftover Specialty Paint that I won’t tell you the name of, and voila! All done!” nonsense that other DIYers try to get away with. If and when I get the space, I know exactly how I’ll refinish our table and exactly what products to use. Plus, beautiful videography. A real pleasure to watch.
When my ENT told me that I would be in bed for a full two weeks after my tonsillectomy, I believed him. I just didn’t know how in bed I would be. I figured I’d feel pretty awful for the first week, and then feel markedly better each day until, on day 14, I was fully recovered. That’s not what happened.
I did not leave my bed, with the exception of bathroom trips, for a full ten days. During that time I moved in and out of sleeplessness, delirium, and nausea. Somewhere around day ten or eleven I began taking short ventures out of my bedroom. Make a cup of tea, back to bed. Adjust the thermostat, back to bed. By day fourteen I was finally able to do normal things, but not for very long. My energy was totally unpredictable. I’d often wake in the morning feeling normal, only to return to bed for the day at 10am. Healing is a long, strange, back and forth business.
Almost a year ago a young woman in our student ministry lost her father suddenly, and under suspicious circumstances. She asked for prayer this week as the one year mark gets nearer. I wanted to take her face in my hands and whisper, “You’ll make it out. It won’t always be like this.” I want to believe that healing is linear, that each new day represents that much more wholeness, no going back. But it’s not like that with surgery, or grief. We make good strides on Tuesday, and by Friday we can barely move. We’re sure we’ll never live through Saturday, and Sunday morning breaks with fresh hope. Healing is a long, strange, back and forth business. Hallelujah, the Healer is faithful, close, and steady.
I’ll tell you what my Kindergartener is pondering. Bodies. Body parts. Body functions. Body systems. Body positions. From early spring all the way through end of summer he was concerned—and I mean deeply concerned, not just curious—about my physical ability to urinate. After all, in his mind I’m missing the necessary parts. Whenever this concern resurfaced I would explain yet again how urine flows from the kidneys into the bladder, and eventually from there out through the urethra, which everyone has, whether or not they have a penis. I’m peeing just fine, thanks for asking. But one day several weeks back, after hearing this thorough explanation one more time, he responded, “I just don’t get it mom. Can you show me?”
So I ordered this book. We LOVE it. The illustrations are detailed enough to fascinate my baby readers, but the written information will be helpful and interesting well into their middle school years. If you have a little person in your life who wants to know all about bodies, I can’t recommend this enough.
It is a true joy to write for you each month, and I always love to hear about anything you tried and loved or anything that resonated with you. Simply reply to this email or leave a comment to let me know.
Until next time, hold the paradox, don’t panic. Love you.
-Steph
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