Hello! Happy Friday! Itβs my birthday today, and Iβm sitting in my darkened bedroom finishing up this letter because I am sick and I didnβt finish it yesterday. The bedroom is dark because my baby is also sick and kept me up most of the night, so a nap is in my near future. PARTY TIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!
Welcome to The Paradox Paper, a monthly newsletter that honors paradox in the every day. If a friend forwarded you this email, click here to subscribe:
In this edition:
A documentary that broadened my understanding
A soundtrack for your next dance party
A book that is just what I need right now
Links to the latest podcast episodes
A prayer for contemplating life on your birthday
Turning Point: 9/11 and the War on Terror, Netflix
The twin towers fell when I was eight. I remember that it happened, that there was a lot of concern and sadness and extra Fox News in the evenings. I remember discussions about the changing security protocols at the airport, learning the names Sadam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden, and asking whether my dad or my brother would have to go to war. But the timelines are mixed up, the details are fuzzy. It doesnβt feel quite right to say that I enjoyed this docuseries, but I appreciate the way it mapped out the events leading up to and set in motion by the 9/11 attacks. It is well made, and if you enjoy documentaries I think youβll appreciate it too.
The Greatest Showman soundtrack
The Greatest Showman is not new, I understand, but isnβt it glorious? Unfortunately there was an incident when Truitt was about 18 months old involving a rogue bluetooth speaker, which left him with an abiding terror of the opening song. I decided now that heβs older the movie itself might be the best way to get past the fear. So we snuggled on the couch and watched the movie over two separate evenings, and the soundtrack is safe once again. Why did I care so much about a dumb ol soundtrack? Because it is exceptional music for the necessary pre-bedtime dance-a-thons. WE DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO.
I wouldnβt say that Iβm a sad person in general. I would not call myself prone to depression. But, perhaps because Iβve had the privilege of being close to people who are for my entire life, Iβve learned to recognize it in myself.
That may not seem like much to you. Of course youβd recognize when youβre feeling depressed right? Youβd think itβd be easy for everybody, that such deep distress would be UN-unrecognizable. And youβd be right. Except that I am notably, woefully terrible at 1) knowing that Iβm feeling something and 2) correctly identifying what that something is. So the fact that Iβve learned to identify depression in myself at least marginally quicker than other emotional states is big news indeed.
I felt depressed for a couple of weeks this month. It took half that time for me to recognize it, at which point I began telling people. I always feel silly telling people how I feel, especially when I canβt give a logical explanation for it. But Iβve learned not to mess around with certain emotions. So I hushed the inner voice that perpetually scoffs βThis is nothing, youβre overreacting,β and told a few people. This is what I said.
βIβm sad. Iβve been sad for several days in a row. Thereβs really no reason I can think of, so I donβt think thereβs any advice for it. I know it will go away soon. But I want to get better at telling people when Iβm sad, so Iβm telling you.β
None of the people I told said anything revolutionary, and that was just fine. Telling them helped all the same. Iβm not the boss of you, but it is my humble, emotionally illiterate opinion that the next time you are deeply sad, you should tell a few people.
A Just-What-I-Needed Book
Gentle And Lowly, Dane Ortlund
This book, based on Jesusβ words in Matthew 11:29, is reminding me on a page-by-page basis that Jesus loves me. Iβll always need that reminder, but itβs been especially important in this season when it seems like so many folks are forgetting theyβre loved, and thus forgetting to love. Maybe you need that remember too?
The Small Group Show
Here are the episodes that have come out since I was last in your inbox:
Ep. 17 - Responding to Sexual Abuse Survivors w/ Carlie Cleveland
Carlie Cleveland is the founder of The Real Truth Ministries. She provides training to churches and businesses, equipping them to handle situations of sexual abuse with compassion and integrity. I hope you enjoy hearing from her as much as we did!Ep. 18 - Solo Steph, God Is With You
This episode is me on my own, sharing about Godβs presence with us when life is unexpected, when people arenβt what they should be, and even when we are unsure about God.
Thank you for listening to our little show, and for continuing to be such a warm and encouraging audience.
It is a true joy to write for you each month, and I always love to hear about anything you tried and loved or anything that stirred your heart. Simply reply to this email or leave a comment to let me know.
Until next time, hold the paradox, donβt panic. Love you.
-Steph
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